These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
