how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
