I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
