I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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