I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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