I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
