Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize