she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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