true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
