Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize