This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
