He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
