you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
