i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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