It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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