I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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