i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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