So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
