it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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