saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize