Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
