Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
