I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
