You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
whose parrot is this?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
