just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
