I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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