Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
