getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
