Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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