Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
