My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize