i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
