I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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