You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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