I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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