FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize