I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
