Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
