she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
