I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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