i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
