Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
