but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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