Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
