Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
