dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
