just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
