dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
