I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
