the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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