O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
