Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
