it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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