I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
