How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
