Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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