i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
