I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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