Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
