It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
