Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
