Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
