It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
