and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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