just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
