Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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