He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
