Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
